It is not in my personality to make others aware of my personal issues. I have hidden the issues in my marriage and my personal struggles from everyone in my life for years. I was outwardly friendly in public but alienated myself from those closest to me who would see through it and never allowed anyone new to get close enough to see past my outer shell. In crying out to God in frustration, He caused me to see that there were women in my life that I could trust and that what was going on in my life was so much bigger than what I could handle alone. They noticed that something was up with me and I asked for prayer specifically for what was going on. Each of them stood in the gap for me lifting my family up in prayer. They let me know that they were continuing to pray and continued to follow up with me every day or so. It was a huge blessing to know that I was surrounded in the faithful arms of a group of women that has continued to expand to include others who reached out in love and provided support in so many ways. When you reach out you allow the Body of Christ the opportunity to reach in. I'm so glad that these women who know who they are answered my call and God's prompting.
When I realized how deep my trouble was, and that this time there were going to have to be serious adjustments because my husband was pursuing divorce and I was coming apart at the seams. God caused me to remember that in my past I had pulled together teams in a nationwide organization and accomplished tasks that were too big to do alone, that I needed to delegate responsibilities because I could not be all things at all times and do a good job. In 2003, God planted a seed in my mind that I called Collective Genius. My definition for this term is, "Alone, we are all full of doubts, fears, and inadequacies. But, when we come together as a team we become a collective genius of talents and abilities that rival anything we could do or be alone." I knew that the women that God had put there to catch me could help me think and do, because I was unravelling and was scared that I would collapse and lose my children. I didn't know how to get things done, how was I going to move what little stuff I would keep like clothes and pictures since I had already decided I couldn't bear to look at the rest of it? Was there anyone that knew anything about shipping, who could help me fill out court papers that I had been served with? I even needed someone to hold my hand and kept track of what anyone told me because it would just go in one ear and out the other. I seriously for the first time in my life felt incapable of doing anything on my own that had to do with facing what my husband was doing and that I had to take our kids and go. I was stunned. I guess I was really in some form of shock. So, I decided that the idea that surly God had planted that I needed an advisory board and this handful of women could all think better than I could and had connections that I didn't have and could help me process through each step, so I asked one of them who was also my supervisor at the time to email the others and ask if they were willing to get together and brain storm. The email went out and within a week were were sitting in a room at our church planning on how best to help me through it all.
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
30,000 Foot View
"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the LORD. As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts (Isaiah 55:8-9)."
My world began to, well not began to but I became fully aware that it was crashing around me on December 21, 2010. When you look back over events you begin to see where God started orchestrating things long before you were even aware. That is how it was for me.
In February of 2010 I met the mother of a little boy in my daughters Kindergarten class and it turned out we attended church at Cornerstone and that she was also involved in Creative Memories which I had began several scrap book projects with Creative Memories in the past and she invited me to join her to finish them. In June of 2010 while sitting by our community pool I met the mother of a girl in my son's 4th grade class, who also attended Cornerstone and she and her husband lead a marriage ministry small group and was employed by Cornerstone in the Marriage Ministry, she invited my children's father and I to that small group, but sadly he wanted to go, and I even though I wanted to, I had another group I was attending that night and thought I would be able to attend their next session. In June of 2010 I met and connected with a lady during a 13 week Financial Peace Ministry class who was the first to catch me just days following my world crashing in December. In September 2010, I met the Coordinator for CornerZone the childcare ministry at Cornerstone when she interviewed me for a part-time position, and then finally one of the mother's of an infant I feel in love with while working at Cornerstone, she later became the Elementary Coordinator for the church.
These women make up the net that God constructed to catch me as I fell face first. The Circle has expanded since to include even more extremely important women, each of whom have changed my life and carried me through the roughest waters I've ever been through. They have woven themselves into my life to create a support structure that never let me fall to depths that I would have easily plummeted to had God not called them and I had not listened when He said REACH.
My world began to, well not began to but I became fully aware that it was crashing around me on December 21, 2010. When you look back over events you begin to see where God started orchestrating things long before you were even aware. That is how it was for me.
In February of 2010 I met the mother of a little boy in my daughters Kindergarten class and it turned out we attended church at Cornerstone and that she was also involved in Creative Memories which I had began several scrap book projects with Creative Memories in the past and she invited me to join her to finish them. In June of 2010 while sitting by our community pool I met the mother of a girl in my son's 4th grade class, who also attended Cornerstone and she and her husband lead a marriage ministry small group and was employed by Cornerstone in the Marriage Ministry, she invited my children's father and I to that small group, but sadly he wanted to go, and I even though I wanted to, I had another group I was attending that night and thought I would be able to attend their next session. In June of 2010 I met and connected with a lady during a 13 week Financial Peace Ministry class who was the first to catch me just days following my world crashing in December. In September 2010, I met the Coordinator for CornerZone the childcare ministry at Cornerstone when she interviewed me for a part-time position, and then finally one of the mother's of an infant I feel in love with while working at Cornerstone, she later became the Elementary Coordinator for the church.
These women make up the net that God constructed to catch me as I fell face first. The Circle has expanded since to include even more extremely important women, each of whom have changed my life and carried me through the roughest waters I've ever been through. They have woven themselves into my life to create a support structure that never let me fall to depths that I would have easily plummeted to had God not called them and I had not listened when He said REACH.
She said, "The older you get the more important the women in your life become."
When I was twenty-five I worked for an attorney who leased space to several other attorneys. One of which was the wife of a local judge, and that affected her personality to some degree. Every day she seemed to become less and less passive in her passive aggression toward me. Every day that her aggression passed over me I became less and less tolerant and began to wonder how to handle it. After praying about it and laboring over it while biting my tongue, one day I called her by name and asked nicely, "Have I done something to offend you?" She looked at me in shock and said, "You know Vicky, the older you get the more important the women in your life become." That was such an odd response to me, but from that day forward her behavior completely changed toward me and over the years I have thought on it many times.
Outside of my grandmother and two dear friends Lisa and Michelle growing up, it was not the women in my life that I was able to count on. However, as that attorney said, it is the women in your life, if you surround yourself with the right ones, who will become the most important people in your life. Sometimes even those you could not count on, once they are older adults, finally grow into their adulthood and show up again as advocates. At that point we have to decide if we will be bitter about the past or rise above it and allow that person or persons to be better to us.
Recently, I went through and continue to grow through the most difficult personal struggle of my life. Without the group of women who I call my "Circle of Sisters", I could not have made it through it. I am so thankful that God told me to reach out to a handful of women who reached in and carried me through my darkest moments and continue to lift me on my journey to the other side of sorrow.
Outside of my grandmother and two dear friends Lisa and Michelle growing up, it was not the women in my life that I was able to count on. However, as that attorney said, it is the women in your life, if you surround yourself with the right ones, who will become the most important people in your life. Sometimes even those you could not count on, once they are older adults, finally grow into their adulthood and show up again as advocates. At that point we have to decide if we will be bitter about the past or rise above it and allow that person or persons to be better to us.
Recently, I went through and continue to grow through the most difficult personal struggle of my life. Without the group of women who I call my "Circle of Sisters", I could not have made it through it. I am so thankful that God told me to reach out to a handful of women who reached in and carried me through my darkest moments and continue to lift me on my journey to the other side of sorrow.
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